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It’s that time again
The Rankings Boys mail it in
32 haikus
The Tortured Poets
But make it (Hockey’s Version)
*Sean groans audibly*
Annual gimmick
Analysis vacation
Somehow takes longer
It’s a long season
There’s plenty of room for fun
Let us have this one
So here they all are
Our silly little poems
We tried — please enjoy.
Last week: 2
Sean’s ranking: 1
Dom’s ranking: 1
Canucks regression
Will it ever happen? No.
Stanley, here we come
Last week: 3
Sean’s ranking: 2
Dom’s ranking: 2
Eight wins in 10 games
And a scary deep roster?
Another run … soon
Last week: 1
Sean’s ranking: 3
Dom’s ranking: 4
Minus Bergeron
Boston still feels incomplete
First in East or not
Last week: 4
Sean’s ranking: 4
Dom’s ranking: 3
Second in the West
Despite mid Otter. Scary —
If he gets hotter
Last week: 6
Sean’s ranking: 5
Dom’s ranking: 5
Preseason doubt: gone
Even strength: not important
Rangers are for real
Last week: 8
Sean’s ranking: 6
Dom’s ranking: 6
Shea returning
Eichel should be back soon too
Can they make it two?
Last week: 5
Sean’s ranking: 7
Dom’s ranking: 7
Dear awards voters,
Connor senses your fatigue
And he does not care
Last week: 9
Sean’s ranking: 8
Dom’s ranking: 8
Canes need a goalie
Nothing has changed on that front
But hey, Freddie is back!
https://twitter.com/reporterchris/status/1758214539047235823
Last week: 7
Sean’s ranking: 9
Dom’s ranking: 9
Jake Allen? Depth adds?
Before the Avs do a thing
They need some cap space
Last week: 10
Sean’s ranking: 10
Dom’s ranking: 10
Nikolaj Ehlers
One of the Jets’ best forwards
Fourth line? Come on, Rick.
Last week: 11
Sean’s ranking: 12
Dom’s ranking: 11
An elite scorer
Has put the Leafs on his back
His name: Bob McMann
Last week: 13
Sean’s ranking: 11
Dom’s ranking: 12
Oodles of cap space
A win-now team that needs help
Whoops! No picks to trade
Last week: 12
Sean’s ranking: 13
Dom’s ranking: 13
Shorthanded Flyers
36 percent of goals
Might break league record
Last week: 14
Sean’s ranking: 14
Dom’s ranking: 14
They might not make it
Still, meaningful games this late
Is still a success
Last week: 16
Sean’s ranking: 15
Dom’s ranking: 15
Kings’ super power?
Winning with random goalies.
Copley. Talbot. Dave.
Last week: 18
Sean’s ranking: 16
Dom’s ranking: 17
At this current rate
“People pay to watch me play”
Won’t mean in April
“People pay to watch me play.” – Jack Hughes to Viktor Arvidsson in the penalty box. pic.twitter.com/GhQtZ8XnSt
— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) February 16, 2024
Last week: 21
Sean’s ranking: 17
Dom’s ranking: 16
The Blues are scrappy
But the retool is still on
Good move, Doug Armstrong
Last week: 15
Sean’s ranking: 21
Dom’s ranking: 18
Games in hand are great
Until you lose a couple
And your star gets hurt
Last week: 22
Sean’s ranking: 18
Dom’s ranking: 21
Beniers: three-point night
Sophomore slump is busted
Time to finish strong
Last week: 20
Sean’s ranking: 20
Dom’s ranking: 20
Hanifin, Tanev
Markstrom too. Would net big haul
Don’t be short-sighted
Last week: 19
Sean’s ranking: 19
Dom’s ranking: 23
Bright side for Barry?
His trade deadline conundrum
Has been quickly solved
Last week: 24
Sean’s ranking: 23
Dom’s ranking: 19
Four-game winning streak
Back in the mix for playoffs
The West really stinks
Last week: 17
Sean’s ranking: 22
Dom’s ranking: 22
Whatever’s gone wrong
Is not something Patrick Roy
Can fix in a month
#Isles are going the wrong way in Patrick Roy’s first month https://t.co/bgyAADiyGo
— Arthur Staple (@StapeAthletic) February 14, 2024
Last week: 25
Sean’s ranking: 25
Dom’s ranking: 24
What is their record?
How many points back are they?
Who cares? Ovi scored.
Last week: 27
Sean’s ranking: 24
Dom’s ranking: 26
Slafkovský: growing
Suzuki: a point per game
Habs: getting closer
Last week: 26
Sean’s ranking: 26
Dom’s ranking: 25
Zero goals again
What happened to our Sabres?
Bring back the chaos
Last week: 28
Sean’s ranking: 27
Dom’s ranking: 27
Hopefully next year
Empty net slapper won’t be
The season’s highlight
Last week: 23
Sean’s ranking: 28
Dom’s ranking: 28
Seven straight losses
Five were by two goals or more
Time to hit the lights
Last week: 29
Sean’s ranking: 29
Dom’s ranking: 29
Maybe Jarmo was
The best Blue Jackets GM
But they’ve had just three
Last week: 30
Sean’s ranking: 30
Dom’s ranking: 30
Style versus substance
Can he grow? Is it too late?
The Zegras debate
Last week: 31
Sean’s ranking: 31
Dom’s ranking: 31
It was time to tank
But Hertl and Couture hurt
Seems like overkill
Last week: 32
Sean’s ranking: 32
Dom’s ranking: 32
Month without Bedard
Completely unwatchable
Thank god that’s over
(Photo: Bill Wippert / NHLI via Getty Images)
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