Ice-Cold Prophecies: NHL Weekend Rankings Feature the Top 16, Gold Plan Results, and Bizarrely Specific Predictions

We made it. We’re done.

Assuming “we” refers to the teams, players, and fans, then it appears that not all of you have made it. There are still a few days in the regular season, so we have not made it. Those days might be as unimportant as ho-hum or as important as already being in the postseason, depending on which team is your attention. Until the final whistle blows on Thursday night, nobody is finished.

But this piece, the rankings for the weekend? We are through. We completed another season and crossed the finish line.

This is the final Monday of the season, after all, and in just one week we will be debating some incident from a Game 1 already. For hockey fans, it might as well last forever, even though it is only a few days.

Let us return to the format you appeared to enjoy last year in order to win: A complete top 16 will take the place of the customary top 5, five extremely detailed bonus predictions, and a Gold Plan update will take the place of the bottom five.

For the record, since I am just that brilliant at this, last year’s #1 pick was “Boston falls in the first round.” No, you do not have to click to read it; I assure you that it said what it said.

Bonus five: Oddly specific first-round predictions

5. Mark Stone scores the first goal for the Golden Knights — Bonus prediction: You will be furious.

4. In Game 4, Auston Matthews will score a hat trick. In 50 career postseason games, he has only scored 22 goals, nine of which have come in the last 18 games. That is still insufficient for a multiple Rocket Richard winner, but let us imagine he has a huge game in the Leafs’ second home game.

3. A goalkeeper who shuts out the opposition in Game 1 will not be starting for the remainder of the postseason run – This one may not be as bold as it first appears. Goalie switches during the playoffs have increased in frequency, reaching a pinnacle with the Golden Knights of last season. Still, I believe this one works because a shutout usually buys you some rope.

2. The Oilers will score seven goals in the first game. Let us head into the skid; last year, I said they would be shut out, and it did not work.

1. Which team is winning the seventh game between the Islanders and Predators? I am not certain. Perhaps both? Most likely both, but we will settle for one and give additional credit if it is two because even I lack the courage to go that far. Thank you for pointing out that, no, the ranks below will not even remotely represent my prediction.

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Road to the Cup

You are familiar with the routine: Listed from least to most likely to win the Cup are all 16 playoff teams. nor more, nor less than two sentences each.

16. The Eastern team that secures the final wild card place Though their identity is still unknown, we are certain that they have the ability to win a round or two given that upsets are often in the NHL. Though it is unlikely, I can put them last without worrying about offending any particular fan base, which is an extra plus.

15. Los Angeles Kings: They were in the top 5 for most of December, reaching as high as the second rank before slipping. Despite their recent improvement, I can not choose them for a probable meeting against the Oilers, who they have only defeated once in four attempts this season.

14. Nashville Predators – They have been a terrific story so far, and if they draw the Canucks, they could definitely defeat them. But unless Juuse Saros stands on his head—which, come to think of it, he could definitely do—they can not get very far.

12. Tampa Bay Lightning — Nobody should doubt the recent two-time champs, and Nikita Kucherov is going super-nova as the playoffs approach. Still, this has looked like a flawed team for most of the season, which makes it hard to put them in the top 10 unless you believe they have been playing possum.

11. Toronto Maple Leafs: They have had a great run over the past few months, and I believe they are now a little bit underappreciated. However, they have serious concerns about their goaltending and blue line, their route out of the East will be difficult, and when the chips are down with these guys, well, you know.

10. Winnipeg Jets – I do not place as much weight in their late-season momentum as you may because of the difficult route out of the Central. Nevertheless, a 10-0 victory over the Stars and Avalanche must increase confidence and could lead to home ice.

9. Vancouver Canucks – The supporters yelled, “Nobody believes in us,” and to be honest, they kind of made a point. This is your chance to disprove everyone, and a first-round game against the Predators would not be too horrible.

8. Florida Panthers – They have bounced back considerably after a late-season slump, but they no longer feel like the league’s greatest team, even though they were in the lead in March. They still have a chance to improve their odds if they get Tampa Bay rather than the Leafs, but Dom’s model favors them more than I do.

7. Golden Knights of Vegas — All the reigning champions had to do to ensure the success of the regular season was to sneak in. Now see the firepower of this operational roster that is fully armed.

6. Boston Bruins – I am curious to watch how they handle the goaltending this season, particularly in light of the catastrophe from the previous year, and if it will be sufficient for a team that might only have one player score 30 goals or 70 points. For the majority of the season, it has been a little unexpected.

5. Colorado Avalanche: After all those goals they have recently given up to the Jets, Stars, and Oilers, I am not sure what to think of them. However, the thought of Nathan MacKinnon unleashing his inner beast during a series means they have to be in my year-end top 5.

4. Edmonton Oilers: I have been a fan of theirs and out, so if they end up drawing the Golden Knights rather than the Kings, I would drop them a position or two. However, this is by far the finest Oilers squad since Connor McDavid, and I believe that this might be the year that everything finally comes together.

3. The Rangers in New York For those of us looking for the first Battle of New York in thirty years, Saturday’s shootout victory over the Islanders was the worst possible outcome. That is unfortunate for the entertainment value, but it is probably a good thing for the Rangers, who have looked like the conference’s best club for the most of the season.

2. Carolina Hurricanes: If the goaltender falters, Rangers supporters will be furious, and I could be too. However, the acquisition of Jake Guentzel appears to be a unique kind of transformative deadline slam dunk, which is reason enough for me to consider them my Eastern choice.

1. Dallas Stars – They were my first-round choice at the start of the season and have performed admirably, but their reward could be a healthy Vegas squad in the opening round. Not only did they lose the player who was supposed to score the Cup-winning goal, but we rode through it anyhow.

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The bottom five

This section has spent all year trying to guess what the bottom of the standings would look like at the end of the year, and while we’re not quite there yet, we’re close enough that I’d just be cutting and pasting the lottery odds at you. The bottom four spots are already locked in — Sharks, Blackhawks, Ducks and Blue Jackets — and the only one still up for grabs is the last one. I’m going to award it to the Arizona Coyotes, if only because it might be my last chance to ever mention them in this column. Which stinks, by the way, whether it’s the right call or not.

Absolutely psychotic how the NHL sat on this sinking ship for two decades and now in a blink are rugpulling the same fan base that put up with this nonsense .. in mere days.

— Travis Yost (@travisyost) April 13, 2024

Rather, we like to provide you with the Gold Plan standings using our year-end bottom 5. Under that method, once a team is declared out of postseason contention, it begins to accrue points toward a better draft pick. It is much better than what we currently have since it becomes more difficult to tank, and instead of the depressing feeling of yearning for defeat, poor team supporters will cheer them on. (You do indeed have reservations about the proposal. No, as I clarify above, you are not correct about any of them.)

Last year, we had a thrilling race to the wire, one that overlapped with the real-world “race” with one key game: Penguins at Blue Jackets, on April 13. The Blue Jackets won, tying the game late in the regulation and then going on to win in overtime on a goal by franchise player Johnny Gaudreau. In a Gold Plan world, that was the game in which the Blue Jackets clinched the top pick and Connor Bedard, in what would probably have stood as the greatest moment in team history. In the real world, the win actually ended up costing them that franchise-altering pick, and their fans were mad about it. But sure, great system we have now, no need to consider a change.

This year, there probably will not be as much suspense because one club emerged victorious and truly deserved the number one pick—and you will not like the team that got selected. To be clear, given everyone’s motivations would vary and the final outcomes would be different, we can never truly determine what the rankings would look like under the Gold Plan. However, for kicks, here’s how they would appear utilizing NHL official elimination dates.

(And, naturally, if you are not a fan of the Gold Plan, there is a ridiculously superior alternative available.)

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And with that, another season of the weekend rankings comes to a conclusion. Congratulations to the six teams (Stars, Golden Knights, Rangers, Avalanche, Bruins, and Panthers) that occupied the top spot in the top five, the two teams that were awarded the one spot in the bottom five (guess), and the eight teams (Penguins, Capitals, Flyers, Islanders, Maple Leafs, Lightning, Blues, and Red Wings) that survived the entire season without appearing on either list.

And a thank you, to you, for reading all season long. Yes, even those of you who didn’t agree that each and every week’s lists were 100 percent correct. Let’s plan to do it all again next season.

(Top photos of Connor McDavid, Auston Matthews and Mark Stone: Curtis Comeau / Icon Sportswire via Getty Images, Dan Hamilton / USA Today and Jeff Bottari / NHLI via Getty Images)